1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:01,235 . 2 00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:12,246 [loud crunching] 3 00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:15,983 - This is nice, huh? 4 00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:18,419 Taking a well-earned break with my coworkers. 5 00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:21,021 I feel like I'm finally fitting in here. 6 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,923 - You don't get to decide when you're fitting in. 7 00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:24,125 We'll let you know. 8 00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,860 - I'm just saying... I'm getting used to it. 9 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,629 Ugh. 10 00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:29,930 [laughs] 11 00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:31,665 Not getting used to standing all day. 12 00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,434 - That's not a problem I have to deal with. 13 00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,002 - Yeah, well, lucky you, my friend. 14 00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:40,208 Not luck--lucky-- not lucky you. 15 00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:41,809 That's--I don't think you're lucky. 16 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,211 - So you think I'm unlucky? 17 00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:44,778 - Not--well-- you know what I mean. 18 00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:46,480 That's an--it's an expression. 19 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,482 - Why don't you just eject right now? 20 00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:50,284 - You know, it's so weird that your feet hurt, 21 00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:51,552 because every time I see you, 22 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,221 I feel like you're sitting. 23 00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:55,389 - Try doing this job six months pregnant. 24 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,325 - Yeah, seriously. That's brutal. 25 00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:58,692 - I didn't know you were pregnant too. 26 00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:00,628 - I was when I was 19. 27 00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:02,130 Then I gave birth to my daughter. 28 00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:04,132 So I'm not pregnant now, but thank you for thinking so. 29 00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,699 - I didn't mean you look pregnant. 30 00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:07,901 I just meant-- - Eject. Eject! 31 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,303 - I didn't know that you had a child. 32 00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:11,372 I--listen--that's-- I think that's beautiful. 33 00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:14,975 Really, I'm in awe of single mothers, so... 34 00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:16,644 - I'm married. 35 00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:18,246 - Ooh! 36 00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:19,813 You should've just ejected, man. 37 00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,715 - Why are you in awe of single mothers? 38 00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:24,485 - I just think it's--it's very brave to have a child, 39 00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:26,220 especially at your age. 40 00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:28,556 - Well, I didn't set out to have a baby. 41 00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:30,324 Came from sex. 42 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,328 - Right. Sure. 43 00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:35,829 Uh, but you--you bravely 44 00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:37,398 made the decision to go through with it. 45 00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:39,433 - Well, I couldn't get a ride to Planned Parenthood. 46 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,169 - Well, if you ever need one in the future. 47 00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:42,803 - Jonah, I'd prefer 48 00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:44,872 if you didn't offer to shuttle our employees 49 00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,240 to the abortion clinic. 50 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,675 - No, I meant rides in general. 51 00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,477 - What if it was just for a pap smear? 52 00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:50,778 Could I get a ride for that? 53 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:53,481 They recommend one a year, but I like to go extra. 54 00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:56,184 Make sure everything's up to code. 55 00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:57,751 - Okay. I'm just gonna say it. 56 00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:00,188 I'm fine with you driving your coworkers 57 00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:01,755 anywhere except the abortion clinic. 58 00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:03,891 - Damn it, Glenn, you cannot talk about 59 00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:06,026 your personal feelings on abortion in the workplace. 60 00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:08,061 - I didn't bring up abortion. - Oh, keep tempting me. 61 00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:09,830 - He did! - You are begging me to-- 62 00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:12,032 - I am allowed to say the word. - I will write you up so hard! 63 00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:13,267 - Abortion! Abortion! 64 00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,668 - I'm recording this entire conversation. 65 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,937 - Abortion, abortion, abortion, abortion! 66 00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:18,706 - Thank you very much. You dug your own grave. 67 00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:21,709 [upbeat music] 68 00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:24,445 * 69 00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:26,614 - I mean, it's kind of unbelievable, right? 70 00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:28,616 - They're definitely pretty similar. 71 00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:30,851 - Uh, I don't see it. 72 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:32,586 - Now I get why you looked familiar 73 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:33,854 when you started working here. 74 00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:34,955 At first, I thought you were 75 00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:36,224 this white dude from my middle school 76 00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:37,291 who wore his pants backwards 77 00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:39,927 like Kris Kross, but nah, you him. 78 00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,229 - I--I mean, 79 00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:43,231 it's a mannequin of a Caucasian male. 80 00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:45,333 If that's what you see when you look at me, 81 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,034 then maybe this is on you. 82 00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:49,270 - Nah, nah, nah, it's more than that. 83 00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:50,704 It's the eyes... - Yeah. 84 00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,273 - The nose... - Uh-huh. 85 00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,742 - And there's something about that expression. 86 00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:57,278 It just kind of makes you want to... 87 00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,446 - Punch him in the face. 88 00:02:58,446 --> 00:02:59,980 - A little bit. 89 00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:01,982 - Yeah, I don't--okay. I'm not seeing any of that. 90 00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:04,352 I'm seeing--I mean, what? 91 00:03:04,352 --> 00:03:06,954 If anything, he looks like Tom Cruise, I guess? 92 00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:08,856 [both laughing] 93 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:10,291 - You think you look like Tom Cruise? 94 00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:13,126 - The mannequin-- - Somebody has a healthy ego! 95 00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:14,695 - I guess I look like Denzel Washington. 96 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,497 - Yeah, and I look like Salma Hayek. 97 00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:17,598 Come on, Denzel. 98 00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:18,799 Let's get back to work. - Okay, Salma. 99 00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:20,268 - I just meant that's what the mannequin looks-- 100 00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:21,669 - Tom Cruise... 101 00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:24,672 [Blue Oyster Cult's "Burnin' For You" plays] 102 00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:27,174 * 103 00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:29,743 - It'd feel weird giving my baby to a stranger, 104 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:32,846 but I also don't know if I'm ready to be a mom. 105 00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,948 - I know the feeling. 106 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,784 I was 19 when I had Emma. 107 00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:39,387 I had no idea what I was doing. 108 00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:41,755 I just knew I wanted her to have a better life than me. 109 00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:43,324 - Yeah. 110 00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:44,558 I mean, who knows? 111 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,193 Maybe my baby could grow up and be 112 00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:48,296 an assistant manager someday. 113 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:53,033 - Yeah, or, um, maybe you could dream even bigger. 114 00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,303 - Well, Glenn's the manager. 115 00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:57,905 - Yeah. 116 00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,308 Well, you don't have to make the decision anytime soon. 117 00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:02,810 And you know that if you want to talk about it, I'm here. 118 00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:04,177 - Thanks. 119 00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:09,483 - I'm also here if you want to talk about stuff. 120 00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:12,753 I've raised a lot of foster children. 121 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,522 - Oh, okay. Well, thanks, Glenn. 122 00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:15,789 That means a lot. 123 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,758 - And if you do decide that adoption 124 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,560 is the way you want to go 125 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,530 and you feel weird about a stranger, 126 00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:25,933 well, maybe Jerusha and I could adopt it. 127 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,668 - Really? 128 00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,737 - We've always wanted a baby of our own. 129 00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:32,773 I mean, foster children are a blessing, 130 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,809 but it's as if you've been driving used cars 131 00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:37,378 your whole life. 132 00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:41,549 Just once it would be nice to experience a brand-new one, 133 00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:43,083 straight from the factory, 134 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:47,187 that hasn't been all dinged up, you know? 135 00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:49,690 - Okay. Well, thanks, Glenn. 136 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:50,991 We'll keep you in mind. 137 00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,560 - Great. 138 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,363 Of course, it's up to you. 139 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,597 Bye-bye. 140 00:05:01,369 --> 00:05:04,071 [distant laughter] 141 00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:06,740 [boisterous laughter] 142 00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:08,776 - It looks exactly like him. 143 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:11,044 - Oh! Oh, hey, man. Meet our new employee. 144 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,113 Jonah, meet Jonah. 145 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,148 - He's got my--you put my clothes on him. 146 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,217 That's funny. The name tag, and... 147 00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:18,952 So everybody thinks he looks like me? 148 00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:19,953 - Eh, not exactly like you. 149 00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:20,988 You're a little bit more like, 150 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,289 "Hey, it's me, Jonah. 151 00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:23,791 I like to eat croissants." 152 00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:25,993 [laughter] 153 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,127 - Is that something I say? 154 00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,396 - It sounds like something you would say. 155 00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:29,397 - Yeah, or like, 156 00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:30,898 "Have you seen this documentary? 157 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,433 It will change your life." 158 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:33,801 [laughter] 159 00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:35,302 - Sounds kind of British. 160 00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:37,405 - "I pretend to like jazz, 161 00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:39,106 because it makes me seem cultured." 162 00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:42,843 - "I'm Jonah. I peel bananas weird." 163 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,778 - Well, that's actually a life hack. 164 00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:48,115 So...the stems create a natural holding stick. 165 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,817 That's why the monkeys do it. 166 00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:52,520 [laughing] 167 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:57,024 It's, um--I saw that in a--in a documentary. 168 00:05:57,024 --> 00:06:00,027 [upbeat music] 169 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,562 * 170 00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:04,565 - No, honey, not another foster child. 171 00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:07,334 This one would be our very own baby. 172 00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:08,536 [inhales deeply] 173 00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:11,439 Well, uh, she doesn't know the sex yet, 174 00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:13,441 but she did have a dream 175 00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:16,209 where Channing Tatum told her it's a boy. 176 00:06:18,446 --> 00:06:19,713 - [shrieks] Oh, my gosh! 177 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,115 - Word on the street is there's a baby up for grabs. 178 00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:23,851 - Huh? Oh--oh. 179 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,085 Yeah. 180 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,588 We're just thinking, maybe, about adoption. 181 00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:28,922 It's a tough call. 182 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,791 I'm so young, and it's a lot of responsibility, 183 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:31,859 but at the same time-- 184 00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:32,860 - Uh-huh, uh-huh. 185 00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:34,261 I'd like to throw my hat in the ring. 186 00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:35,463 - You? 187 00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:36,697 - Yeah, a baby's been part of my life plan 188 00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:37,731 since I was ten. 189 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,467 I've got a crap load of love to give. 190 00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:40,934 Anyway, here are the facts: 191 00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:42,235 I have a comfortable lap, 192 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,671 I can get a burp out of anybody, 193 00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:45,573 and I already lactate as a side effect 194 00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,207 from some fungal medication I'm taking. 195 00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:48,642 - Cool. 196 00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:49,777 - It is not cool. 197 00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:51,612 It is disgusting, if you want to know the truth, 198 00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:53,246 but in this case, useful. 199 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,048 The point is, if you go down the adoption road, 200 00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:56,817 you could do a heck of a lot worse than me. 201 00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:00,287 Like Glenn, for instance. 202 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:02,322 He'd be a lot worse. 203 00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:04,391 - Oh, hey. 204 00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:05,693 - Hey. - Uh, listen. 205 00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:07,495 About all that mannequin stuff, sorry. 206 00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:08,862 Everyone was just messing around. 207 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,030 - Yeah, I know, I know, I know. 208 00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,264 I shouldn't have even reacted. 209 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,800 I'm still new here. 210 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,102 I don't want my thing to be that I'm the sensitive one. 211 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,203 - Your thing? 212 00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:17,838 - Yeah, like, you know, 213 00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:19,139 Garrett's the cool one. 214 00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:20,240 Glenn's the nice one. 215 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,175 Cheyenne's the perky, sweet one. 216 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,311 Carol's the one that says "hashtag" everything. 217 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,213 - Which one am I? 218 00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:29,583 - You're the, uh, responsible one. 219 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:32,853 - The responsible one? 220 00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,021 - In a good way! 221 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:35,889 You're like the house mom of a frat. 222 00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:37,257 Everybody loves her. 223 00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:39,993 They just don't expect her to be the life of the party. 224 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:40,994 - Wow. 225 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,763 - Oh, come on. Lighten up. 226 00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:44,097 I'm just saying you're not, like, 227 00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:45,899 one to joke around all the time. 228 00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,801 - [scoffs] 229 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,904 I mean, at least I can take a little bit of teasing. 230 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,372 - I can take teasing. 231 00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:53,607 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 232 00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:54,608 I had older brothers. 233 00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,677 I--teasing does not faze me. 234 00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,078 - Oh, teasing doesn't even faze you? 235 00:07:58,078 --> 00:07:59,880 - No, it doesn't at all. I'm fine with it. 236 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,448 - Oh, good. - Yeah. 237 00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:02,583 - That's good to know. 238 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,884 - It is good to know. 239 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,120 Wh-why is that good to know? 240 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,255 What do you know? 241 00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:11,258 [laughter] 242 00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,561 - You baited the bear, huh? 243 00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:14,595 - It's fine. 244 00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,429 I think it's funny. 245 00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:18,198 It's fine. I'm fine. 246 00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,367 This is fine. 247 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,670 - Why is he holding the bananas wrong? 248 00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:26,740 . 249 00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:29,577 - Okay. 250 00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:34,782 I think that is all of our princess party supplies. 251 00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:36,717 I hope your cat has a wonderful birthday. 252 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:41,354 Ah! 253 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,990 Call that teasing? 254 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,792 Because figure skating 255 00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:47,360 is one of the few sports that is also an art. 256 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,930 So, if anything, thank you. 257 00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:54,668 [M.O.P.'s "Ante Up" playing] 258 00:08:54,668 --> 00:09:02,776 * 259 00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:19,326 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 260 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,428 Let me help you with that. 261 00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:22,630 - Oh, thank you. 262 00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,832 You might be carrying my baby. 263 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:29,136 - Yeah, yours or Dina's. 264 00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:30,237 - What? 265 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,872 - Dina said she might be interested 266 00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,140 in adopting my baby too. 267 00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:35,242 - Dina? Really? 268 00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,844 Wow. 269 00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:39,012 Well, whatever you think is best. 270 00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:40,313 Don't stress. 271 00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:42,249 Bad for baby. 272 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,283 - [grunts] 273 00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:47,855 - I love you, Mommy. 274 00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:49,857 - Yah! - Ha! 275 00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:53,193 So that's what you would do if your baby cried, huh? 276 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:54,427 - Oh, I guess you've heard 277 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,829 I'll be raising Cheyenne's child. 278 00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:57,330 - Oh, the "H" you will. 279 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:59,667 You don't know the first thing about babies. 280 00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:02,002 Do you even know how to swaddle? 281 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,536 - I used to work part-time at Chipotle. 282 00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:04,705 Same principle as a burrito. 283 00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,506 Different wrapper and different fillings. 284 00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,141 Anyway, parenting's just about instincts. 285 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:10,510 - Oh, I've got instincts for days, lady. 286 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:14,147 I've got instincts up the W-A-Z-O-O. 287 00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,282 - Oh, really? - Mm-hmm. 288 00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:19,953 - That was your baby. 289 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,121 She just got a concussion. 290 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,555 - What? That's not even a real-- 291 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,692 - Oops. Skull fracture. 292 00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:26,259 - Okay, there's a difference between-- 293 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,328 you stop hurting my baby! 294 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:30,297 - And then real Jonah 295 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:33,200 was standing next to bride Jonah, 296 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,135 and it looked like real Jonah 297 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:38,638 was giving bride Jonah away to the gorilla. 298 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,407 Amazing. - Oh, man. 299 00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:41,541 - So funny. 300 00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:44,044 - Garrett, finish the shift assignments. 301 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,179 I love today. 302 00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:49,049 - I mean, I could do the shift assignments, 303 00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:52,152 or I could finish eating my mac and cheese. 304 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,722 I wonder what I'll do. 305 00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:56,156 - Could-- - Go on. 306 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,390 - Okay. Let me just... 307 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,795 [laughing] Oh... 308 00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:03,764 Reggie, thanks for looking at me weird. 309 00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:06,166 I hope you like the meat freezer. 310 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:09,169 [elevator music] 311 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:16,744 * 312 00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:19,747 [Birdman's "Dark Shades" playing] 313 00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:27,755 * 314 00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:48,308 - [exasperated sigh] 315 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,777 - Okay. Shift assignments. 316 00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:51,078 Margie, who shushed me 317 00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:52,780 this morning when I was singing. 318 00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:53,781 Oh, look. 319 00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:56,449 You are unpacking stock in the freezer. 320 00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:58,651 Derek, also in the freezer. 321 00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:01,855 Rebecca, who is icy to me, cosmetics. 322 00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,523 Kidding! 323 00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:04,524 Freezer! 324 00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:06,059 - Um, where's Amy? 325 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,560 - Amy is busy. 326 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,462 And you just talked your way into the freezer. 327 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:13,166 - I love to get together with my employees 328 00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:16,169 and their baby daddies from time to time. 329 00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,271 You know, just so we can all get to know each other 330 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:19,639 a little bit better. 331 00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:20,841 - Yeah, networking. Nice. 332 00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,275 Let's link it in, G. - Yeah! 333 00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:25,045 Listen; I apologize for the mess on my desk. 334 00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:28,148 So many family photos, you know? 335 00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:31,985 Oh, here's one of me and my kids at the beach. 336 00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:35,055 Such a--such a special moment to share. 337 00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,024 - Whoa! This chair's got wheels? 338 00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:39,960 Damn, son! Living large. What's up? 339 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:40,961 - Thank you. 340 00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:41,995 - Glenn, if you're trying 341 00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,563 to get us to choose you over Dina, then-- 342 00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,165 - Not at all! 343 00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:47,634 I mean, it's entirely up to you guys, right? 344 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:48,836 - Well, what are we talking? 345 00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:49,837 - Excuse me? 346 00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:50,838 - You know, like skrilla. 347 00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:52,105 - I'm sorry, what is-- 348 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,240 - That means money. 349 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,675 Bo, I don't think we should sell our baby. 350 00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,144 - You'd like it if it was your idea. 351 00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:58,211 [alarm blaring] 352 00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:00,313 - Aw, French fudge! Um... 353 00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:02,615 I'm sorry. I have to look into that. 354 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:06,353 Uh, but I'd be happy to, uh, you know, discuss bribe money... 355 00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:07,554 and skrilla. 356 00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,122 - Yeah. - Bribe skrilla? 357 00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,858 [alarm blaring] 358 00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:12,893 - No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No! Come on! 359 00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,094 Please! 360 00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,329 Stop it! Come on! 361 00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:17,330 Everything's fine, guys. 362 00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:18,365 It's fine. Relax. Back up. 363 00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:19,867 - The alarm means it's too full! 364 00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:21,869 - The machine's just a little stuck, and I've got to-- 365 00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:24,171 Just need to get this into the-- - What--what have you done? 366 00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:26,206 Glenn! Every--I'm so sorry. 367 00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:27,941 - Oh, God! - I--no--I didn't-- 368 00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,676 - Oh, God! Who is that? 369 00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,879 No! You monster! 370 00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,446 - It's nothing. It's nobody. 371 00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:36,049 - You monster! What have you done? 372 00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:37,550 - No, Glenn! 373 00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:41,989 . 374 00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:42,755 - Okay. 375 00:13:43,891 --> 00:13:45,625 We're just gonna ask you a few questions 376 00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,627 to learn more about what kind of parents you'd be, 377 00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:50,163 so there's no right or wrong answers. 378 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,631 - Yeah, just speak from the heart, yo. 379 00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:54,034 - Okay. First question. 380 00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,768 Are you a pedophile? 381 00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:57,938 - No. - Definitely not. 382 00:13:57,938 --> 00:13:59,639 - Nice. 383 00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:01,141 So far it's a tie. 384 00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:02,775 - Right. 385 00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,644 - I was trying to get rid of the mannequin 386 00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,279 because it was becoming a distraction. 387 00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,916 - Just admit that my fun pranks got to you, 388 00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,450 and that maybe you're the sensitive one. 389 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,552 - No, there's a difference between being sensitive 390 00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:13,753 and being annoyed. 391 00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:14,922 You would understand 392 00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:16,723 if someone did the same thing to you. 393 00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:20,327 What? 394 00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:24,697 Amy, what are you doing here? 395 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,698 - No. 396 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,467 Jonah, that looks nothing like me. 397 00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:28,468 - Oh. 398 00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:29,937 Looks like I touched a nerve, huh? 399 00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:31,204 - No. - Hey, look at this. 400 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,606 What is Amy doing here? 401 00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,342 - That's supposed to be Amy? - Yeah! 402 00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,343 - So sad. 403 00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:37,377 - Well, you totally nailed 404 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,312 the whole six foot tall, blonde hair thing. 405 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,648 - It's the best that I could find. 406 00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:44,251 Or, as Amy would say... 407 00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:48,755 I'm totally blanking right now. 408 00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:49,756 You go. Go, go, go, go, go. 409 00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:50,857 Go. 410 00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:54,261 - "I look like a random white girl"? 411 00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:57,230 - Mm, nice try. 412 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,435 - To get a sense of what our child's life 413 00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:03,636 would be like with you, 414 00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,438 what's your neighborhood like? 415 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:07,807 - Picket fences. Good schools. 416 00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:10,477 - Are you familiar with a gang called "Los Guapos"? 417 00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:12,479 It's their turf, but, uh, 418 00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:13,780 we have an understanding. 419 00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:16,116 So I assume that would extend to my baby as well. 420 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,117 - Okay, so if a baby 421 00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,351 does poo-poo, would you, like, 422 00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:20,120 wipe it front to back or back to front? 423 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,154 - Front--back to front. 424 00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:23,123 Front to back. Front to back. 425 00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,524 - What an amateur. - Final answer! 426 00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:26,293 - No. Uh, boy or girl? 427 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:27,694 - Yeah, write that. That was good. 428 00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:28,695 - Thanks. 429 00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,430 - Okay, so, uh, 430 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,798 I'ma throw you, like, a hypothetical. 431 00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:33,866 Let's say you're, like, dancing around the room, 432 00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:36,103 and accidentally, you kick the baby in the face. 433 00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:37,870 How do you say you're sorry about that? 434 00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:44,344 - Yo, Chief. 435 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:45,478 - Hey, Garrett. 436 00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,247 Check it out. 437 00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:48,481 Shark attack. 438 00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:49,716 - Ooh, that's great. Hey. 439 00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:51,118 I thought that you should know that 440 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,153 there's nobody to let anyone in the dressing rooms, 441 00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:54,754 and it's starting to get a little weird. 442 00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,158 - Well, where is Betty? 443 00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,359 - Yeah, Betty had said 444 00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,228 something critical about Lady Gaga, 445 00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:03,063 so Mateo assigned her to freezer duty. 446 00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,564 - Well, you know what? 447 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,433 Let somebody else fix it for once. 448 00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:07,767 - This is your fault. 449 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,336 You're the one that outsourced your job 450 00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:10,803 'cause you're busy with a work flirt. 451 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,672 - Excuse me? 452 00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,907 What? Work flirt? What does that even mean? 453 00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:17,044 - Everybody does it. You flirt a little bit at work. 454 00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:18,545 Pass the time. - No. 455 00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,213 - I got, like, five or six work flirts going on 456 00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:21,214 at any given time. 457 00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:23,050 Hey, Jennifer. What it do, Boo? 458 00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:24,584 - Well, that's great for you, Garrett, 459 00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:26,053 but that is not what is happening. 460 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:28,255 I am not flirting with Jonah. 461 00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:30,057 This is because Jonah said 462 00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:31,958 that I was the responsible one. 463 00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:33,126 - [gasps] 464 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,361 No. - Yes. 465 00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:35,495 - He called you responsible? 466 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:36,663 - I know. 467 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,398 - Well, then I completely understand 468 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:40,100 why you are attaching a shark 469 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,768 to the severed leg of a mannequin. 470 00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:49,142 - I think my best quality as a parent is that 471 00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,678 I'm a stable, loving, married man. 472 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,180 So I don't have groups of strange men 473 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,781 wandering through my house every night. 474 00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:57,317 - It was one man, and not since I installed the deadbolt. 475 00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:58,685 - Your brain's a deadbolt. 476 00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,320 - Yeah, well at least I don't have foster children 477 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,588 that I raised currently in prison. 478 00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:04,591 - It's a juvenile correctional facility. 479 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:06,493 - Look, I guess you just have to ask yourselves, 480 00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:08,828 do you want your child raised in a home with loaded handguns 481 00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:10,430 laying around? 482 00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:11,898 Or do you want your child raised by Glenn? 483 00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:12,999 - Do not point at me. 484 00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,401 I'll point two fingers back at you. 485 00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:16,103 - You wouldn't dare. - Oh, yeah? Ha-ha! 486 00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:17,270 - Okay, you know what? - See? 487 00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:18,605 - That's a violation of the code of conduct. 488 00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:19,972 - Oh, is it a violation? - It sure as heck is. 489 00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:21,007 - Oh, really? - Yep. 490 00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:22,709 - Who put that in there? - I did! 491 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,511 - I said I'm sorry. What else do you want? 492 00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:25,745 - It's just careless 493 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,480 to go around saying things like that. 494 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,616 This is how rumors get started. 495 00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:31,784 - I was just saying you were being a little flirty. 496 00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,720 I didn't say you were banging in the break room. 497 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,688 - Come on! Help me out here. 498 00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:36,689 - Whoa! 499 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:39,626 - Oh, hey, guys. 500 00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:43,296 . 501 00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:45,332 - This is not how it looks. 502 00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,234 - Really? 503 00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:48,701 'Cause it looks like you got a sex doll 504 00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,237 and you dressing it up to look like Amy. 505 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,238 - Yeah. - No. 506 00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,372 See, that sounds stalker-y, 507 00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:53,973 whereas I specifically bought this doll 508 00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:55,808 because it already looked like Amy. 509 00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:56,943 - I'm walking away. 510 00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:58,845 Oh, good. More people. 511 00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:00,813 - Oh, my God! - Is that supposed to be Amy? 512 00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,849 - No. - Yes, yes. 513 00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:03,916 I wanted to get back at Amy, 514 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,485 and there are no mannequins in the store 515 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:06,586 that look remotely like her. 516 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,255 Which, can we talk about that for a second? 517 00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:10,823 Why are there no Spanish/Latina themed mannequins? 518 00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:12,492 - Oh, no, no, no, we not talking about that. 519 00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:13,860 Let's talk about this. 520 00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:14,961 - Jonah, what is happening? 521 00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:17,730 - Do you own one of each of us? 522 00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:19,166 - No! 523 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,000 I went to a bunch of different stores over lunch, 524 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,170 and then I just happened to pass this in the window 525 00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:25,872 of a sex shop, and look, it looks just like Amy. 526 00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:26,873 all: Whoa! 527 00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,475 - Yeah, it does. - Ew! 528 00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,377 Jonah, can you cover that up, please? 529 00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:33,180 It's completely inappropriate. 530 00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:34,314 all: Oh! 531 00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,183 - Problem solved. - Are you kidding me? 532 00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:38,385 - This is not a sexual thing. 533 00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:40,487 - Amy, you've got a good butt. 534 00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:45,192 [upbeat music] 535 00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:46,326 - Cheyenne? 536 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:48,428 We, uh--we let things 537 00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,297 get a little out of hand before. 538 00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:51,298 - The important thing is, 539 00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:52,632 we are here for you no matter what, 540 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,100 and we want to do whatever's best 541 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,268 for your child. 542 00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:56,369 - So that's why we've agreed 543 00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,338 to share custody. 544 00:18:58,338 --> 00:18:59,772 - Huh? - Yeah. 545 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,608 We're gonna alternate nights and weekends. 546 00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:04,311 - Yeah, and if both of us have to work late, 547 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:06,713 then someone else can go home with it. 548 00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:08,215 Jonah. Amy. 549 00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:09,749 Garrett. We'd all trade off. 550 00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,284 - Like the class hamster 551 00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:12,819 each child gets a turn taking care of, 552 00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,654 this would be kind of the store baby. 553 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,223 - Exactly. 554 00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:18,090 - Thank you so much, 555 00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:20,627 but I think Bo and I are gonna keep it. 556 00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:23,129 - You sure? 557 00:19:23,129 --> 00:19:25,232 Think what's best for the baby. 558 00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:27,900 - That's what I'm doing. 559 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,403 And you know what? 560 00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,372 I think we're gonna be fine. 561 00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:37,009 - So this whole day was a waste of my time, then. 562 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,587 - Hey. Glad I caught you. 563 00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,322 [sighs] 564 00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:50,557 - What is this? 565 00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:51,791 - That is a receipt, 566 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,261 which is proof that I returned the doll. 567 00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:56,763 - Uh-huh. Wow. 568 00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:58,965 You paid a $400 restocking fee. 569 00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:00,967 - Yeah, it was actually more than the doll cost. 570 00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:02,969 Um, apparently there's not 571 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:06,038 a huge after market for used sex dolls. 572 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,740 - Ew. 573 00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:13,746 - Anyway, I figured out what today was really about. 574 00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:16,148 - You did? 575 00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:17,550 - Mm-hmm. 576 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,085 - Did Garrett talk to you? 577 00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:20,520 Because that is ridiculous. 578 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:21,754 That is not what we-- 579 00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,457 - You were hazing me. 580 00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,158 - Yeah. 581 00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:28,127 Yeah, hazing. 582 00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:29,662 That's--it's what we do to everybody. 583 00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,230 - You got me. You got me. 584 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,765 - I mean, it got a little out of control, 585 00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:34,767 but you passed. 586 00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:37,136 - I passed! I passed the initiation. 587 00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:38,271 - Congrats. 588 00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:40,340 - So I'm, uh, part of the group now. 589 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,609 - Yep, welcome, officially. - Thank you. 590 00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:43,810 All right. 591 00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:45,177 I'll, uh-- I'll see you tomorrow. 592 00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:47,213 - Yep, we'll see everyone tomorrow. 593 00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:51,618 - Right there, big ol' wheels. 594 00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:53,052 Oh, this could be bangin'. 595 00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:54,654 How about this one? - Oh, yeah. 596 00:20:54,654 --> 00:20:56,323 - We trick this thing out right, you know? 597 00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:58,458 Get my uncle to throw some tint up on the sides here, 598 00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,059 so we don't have, like, people peeping in 599 00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:02,429 on shorty's little business going on here? 600 00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:03,763 Yeah. 601 00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:06,232 Big Daddy in the house, right here. 602 00:21:06,232 --> 00:21:07,534 Shorty by the side. 603 00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:09,436 [mimics horn] 604 00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:11,504 Stand back. We're taking this for a ride. 605 00:21:11,504 --> 00:21:13,172 Yo, wagwan, selecta, 606 00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:15,107 dissin' on my corruption and don't you know here. 607 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:16,443 Boy! 608 00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:17,944 Yeah. 609 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,812 [inhales deeply] 610 00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:22,181 [sighs] 611 00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:23,850 Being a dad and [bleep]. 612 00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:26,252 What's up?